Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?” Gen 18:11-12
I know how Sarah feels. She's fussing about in her tent, her youth is gone, beauty fading, she's feeling her lack. Lack of children, of potential, of something new. There's old Abe sitting at his tent door, chilling, and the One True Living God comes a-knocking. Tells Abe they're gonna be parents and parents of parents and multiply that exponentially and there's a multitude as numerous as the stars in the sky.
Sarah laughs. Is she bitter? Incredulous? What? All we know is she laughs. She can't believe that after all this time, after everything, that she's actually going to have a kid. No way. She thinks she's too old.
Aging is weird. Now that I'm past 40 I'm obsessed with the aging process. I stare at older women walking with their teenage daughters, wondering what it is that makes them look old and their daughters so young. Mostly it's the skin- just a mere outer layer of a real person who cannot control what is happening to them physically. I'm so mad at myself for writing off so many wonderful people just because they were older. I thought they couldn't possibly understand where I was coming from, that they were lame, that anything they had to say was musty and obsolete.
But when the middle-aged have dreams you gotta love them. They're winning Ironman races, getting their Masters degrees, starting businesses, writing books. The middle-aged know there's little time to waste. They're done messing around, they're the ones who are going to make it happen. But Sarah here seems to have lost the dream. She thinks her ship has sailed. She's not buying the pie. You want to hug her and say "Hold on, sweetheart- just a little bit longer!" That's because we know the end already. Sarah doesn't know the end so she's swinging low on her chariot.
People all over are swinging low every day. Turn to your left and you will find someone who has lost the faith that something they were hoping for will ever happen. Too much time has gone by, too many disappointments. There's no one there who knows the end of the story, no one to say "Hold on!" There's about 3 things that I have wanted for so long I almost forget I want them. I just tick-tock by in my little life, keeping my hands busy and my head down, trying not to think about how hope has turned to disappointment and trying not to wonder if that means I have lost my faith.
What I do know is that there is a good reason I don't have whatever I don't have. I know this because my God is good. I know that if nothing else, I have been kept humble in those corners, and that's a treasure in itself. I know that in the waiting, I am able to beseech the Lord to examine and purify my motives. I know that I can do without, and I know that there is a better home a-waiting in the sky, Lord, in the sky.
I read this story and think maybe I can still hope. Maybe I will start praying about those things again. I could be cleaning out the fridge and hear an answer to a prayer, maybe sooner, maybe later. Only God knows. One thing is, if he tells me something is going to happen- even after all this time- I will do my best not to laugh, but to believe.
I know how Sarah feels. She's fussing about in her tent, her youth is gone, beauty fading, she's feeling her lack. Lack of children, of potential, of something new. There's old Abe sitting at his tent door, chilling, and the One True Living God comes a-knocking. Tells Abe they're gonna be parents and parents of parents and multiply that exponentially and there's a multitude as numerous as the stars in the sky.
Sarah laughs. Is she bitter? Incredulous? What? All we know is she laughs. She can't believe that after all this time, after everything, that she's actually going to have a kid. No way. She thinks she's too old.
Aging is weird. Now that I'm past 40 I'm obsessed with the aging process. I stare at older women walking with their teenage daughters, wondering what it is that makes them look old and their daughters so young. Mostly it's the skin- just a mere outer layer of a real person who cannot control what is happening to them physically. I'm so mad at myself for writing off so many wonderful people just because they were older. I thought they couldn't possibly understand where I was coming from, that they were lame, that anything they had to say was musty and obsolete.
But when the middle-aged have dreams you gotta love them. They're winning Ironman races, getting their Masters degrees, starting businesses, writing books. The middle-aged know there's little time to waste. They're done messing around, they're the ones who are going to make it happen. But Sarah here seems to have lost the dream. She thinks her ship has sailed. She's not buying the pie. You want to hug her and say "Hold on, sweetheart- just a little bit longer!" That's because we know the end already. Sarah doesn't know the end so she's swinging low on her chariot.
People all over are swinging low every day. Turn to your left and you will find someone who has lost the faith that something they were hoping for will ever happen. Too much time has gone by, too many disappointments. There's no one there who knows the end of the story, no one to say "Hold on!" There's about 3 things that I have wanted for so long I almost forget I want them. I just tick-tock by in my little life, keeping my hands busy and my head down, trying not to think about how hope has turned to disappointment and trying not to wonder if that means I have lost my faith.
What I do know is that there is a good reason I don't have whatever I don't have. I know this because my God is good. I know that if nothing else, I have been kept humble in those corners, and that's a treasure in itself. I know that in the waiting, I am able to beseech the Lord to examine and purify my motives. I know that I can do without, and I know that there is a better home a-waiting in the sky, Lord, in the sky.
I read this story and think maybe I can still hope. Maybe I will start praying about those things again. I could be cleaning out the fridge and hear an answer to a prayer, maybe sooner, maybe later. Only God knows. One thing is, if he tells me something is going to happen- even after all this time- I will do my best not to laugh, but to believe.
