genesis chapter 20: just exactly how sorry are you?

Abimelech said, "Look, my land is before you. Settle wherever you want." Genesis 20:15

Abraham and Sarah are rambling along and they get caught up in Abimelech's territory. Abimelech, under the impression Sarah was Abe's sister, snatches her away from Abraham. Guess who didn't like that scenario? You guessed it- the Lord. The Man Himself straightened that out with Abimelch in a dream (which is always fun), and threatened some badness if Sarah wan't returned to Abraham pronto. Now get your minds out of the gutter because for once, there's no action here. 

Even so, check out how far Abimelech goes to apologize to Abraham and Sarah. That brother slam- dunked his restitution. In return for taking Abe's wife, Abimelech gave them sheep and cattle and male and female slaves (they dealt in slaves and harems), not to mention 1,000 pieces of silver, and if that's not enough tells them they can take all their stuff and live wherever they want on his land. He wasn't kidding around- he was for real sorry (even though he didn't even hook up with Sarah). We should all be like Abimelech when we apologize to someone.

I tell you the truth, when someone disrespects me, and I'm hopping mad, and they walk up and say, "I'm sorry" to me and then walk away and the whole thing takes about two seconds... call me crazy but I'm not buying it. One little apology and you think you're cleared? No way. There seems to be a movement where saying sorry is supposed to be enough and if the offended doesn't accept it right away they're immature and high-maintenance and needy. I gong that with a big fat mallot and declare that when people apologize they need to go a wee bit overboard like Abimelech did and show, not just tell, the offended just how sorry they really are. Be effusive, write a card, give a gift, spend your time and money...  now you're getting it. Sorry doesn't count except in horshoes and hand grenades so just be honest and cop to them how much you suck. Then the next time when the tables are turned, they will probably tell you how much they suck. Best idea ever: Let's just finally admit to each other how much we all pretty much suck most of the time.

Am I saying don't be quick to forgive? No way. I'm saying sometimes it takes a person a while to cool down if you really did something to mess with them, intentionally or not. They will thaw out out a lot more easily if you pile on the love, the humility, the effort. When you really mean it and really mean it big it is so much easier for them to say "No probs, it's all good," which is what we all want to happen in the end.

P.S. Whatever I did I am so totally sorry I suck so bad. 

genesis chapter 19: who are you to judge?

"This fellow came to sojourn, and he has become the judge! Now we will deal worse with you than with them." (19:9a)

Every single man (young and old) in the city of Sodom had ganged up on Lot. They wanted to rape the men (visitors who happened to be angels) who were staying at Lot's house. It's pretty sick. What Lot offers them instead is pretty sick too: his virgin daughters. Yikes. Boy, these men are in a lather. When Lot tries to block their way, they get super-pissed that he is judging them, when he wasn't even a native Sodomite. 

Nobody likes to be judged. These days, in our time, you can shut a person up pretty quick by saying "You're so judgemental." Heaven forbid I should think that something a person is doing is actually WRONG. According to the amoral, it is morally wrong to say that something is morally wrong. Which means that even amongst the amoral, immorality does exist. And in the "amoral" crowd, being judgemental is the biggest sin of all. That's what you call irony. (I don't pretend these are new concepts, and I also don't pretend that these old concepts [double standards] cannot newly aggravate me.)

Who is to say what is right? Who is to say what is wrong? Do we let society dictate? What if one society (Sodom) says rape is okay, does that mean it is okay?  But when Lot tried to stop them, they yelled at him for being judgemental, instead of stopping and thinking "Hey, wait a minute, maybe this is wrong. I mean, wrong and right do exist- I think things are right, and I think things are wrong- I think that Lot judging me is wrong, so I must believe in some sort of moral system. But is my moral system correct, or Lot's? Hmm..."

Who decides? Who really gets to decide whether these things are right or wrong?

I have to tell you, that it is a relief and a great freedom to me to not have to decide. To not have to follow my own heart on these issues. Because if I did, it would lead me in such a bad path. I would hit my kids, cheat on my husband, lay around all day, eat potato chips and peanut M&M's for every meal, and generally live a life of no restraint and decay. Maybe you're not like that. Why? Because you think it's wrong? I wonder. 

Once upon a time, I thought I knew what was right. I was following my heart, living for myself and whatever I wanted, whatever I thought was right. Then I began to read the Bible (I wanted to "know my enemy" but more on that another time). I read in there for the first time what God thinks is right and wrong, and it changed my life. I thought cheating on my husband was okay, because I wanted to do it. I thought it was okay to kill the baby inside me, because I wasn't ready for it. I thought I could get as wasted as possible whenever I felt like it, because it was fun. I didn't know what truth was, I didn't know what right and wrong was, I didn't know that sin existed. And I didn't know that God is real and He loves me and offers a way for me to turn to Him. I have only ever found within the front and back cover of the Word of God unfathomable wisdom and grace. My compass, my thermometer, my moral guide comes from only one place: the Living Word of the One True Living God, the Bible. It tells me what is right and what is wrong, I do not tell it. The Bible changed my life. 

Maybe you don't like the Bible, because it tells you that something is wrong, or that something is right. I say "Thank you for removing from me that responsibility, for if I had it, I would NEVER get it right, no matter how much time I had on this Earth." None of us would, for we are not perfect, we see with skewed vision, with biases, with love or hate, or desires. There is only One who sees all, who sees clearly, One who is Perfect and Good- all the way Good, and that is God. If you think God is bad because He says that something is bad, you've got it all wrong. But why wouldn't you? After all, you're only human.

genesis: chapter 18: never say never

Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?” Gen 18:11-12

I know how Sarah feels. She's fussing about in her tent, her youth is gone, beauty fading, she's feeling her lack. Lack of children, of potential, of something new. There's old Abe sitting at his tent door, chilling, and the One True Living God comes a-knocking. Tells Abe they're gonna be parents and parents of parents and multiply that exponentially and there's a multitude as numerous as the stars in the sky.

Sarah laughs. Is she bitter? Incredulous? What? All we know is she laughs. She can't believe that after all this time, after everything, that she's actually going to have a kid. No way. She thinks she's too old.

Aging is weird. Now that I'm past 40 I'm obsessed with the aging process. I stare at older women walking with their teenage daughters, wondering what it is that makes them look old and their daughters so young. Mostly it's the skin- just a mere outer layer of a real person who cannot control what is happening to them physically. I'm so mad at myself for writing off so many wonderful people just because they were older. I thought they couldn't possibly understand where I was coming from, that they were lame, that anything they had to say was musty and obsolete.

But when the middle-aged have dreams you gotta love them. They're winning Ironman races, getting their Masters degrees, starting businesses, writing books. The middle-aged know there's little time to waste. They're done messing around, they're the ones who are going to make it happen. But Sarah here seems to have lost the dream. She thinks her ship has sailed. She's not buying the pie. You want to hug her and say "Hold on, sweetheart- just a little bit longer!" That's because we know the end already. Sarah doesn't know the end so she's swinging low on her chariot.

People all over are swinging low every day. Turn to your left and you will find someone who has lost the faith that something they were hoping for will ever happen. Too much time has gone by, too many disappointments. There's no one there who knows the end of the story, no one to say "Hold on!" There's about 3 things that I have wanted for so long I almost forget I want them. I just tick-tock by in my little life, keeping my hands busy and my head down, trying not to think about how hope has turned to disappointment and trying not to wonder if that means I have lost my faith.

What I do know is that there is a good reason I don't have whatever I don't have. I know this because my God is good. I know that if nothing else, I have been kept humble in those corners, and that's a treasure in itself. I know that in the waiting, I am able to beseech the Lord to examine and purify my motives. I know that I can do without, and I know that there is a better home a-waiting in the sky, Lord, in the sky.

I read this story and think maybe I can still hope. Maybe I will start praying about those things again. I could be cleaning out the fridge and hear an answer to a prayer, maybe sooner, maybe later. Only God knows. One thing is, if he tells me something is going to happen- even after all this time- I will do my best not to laugh, but to believe.