genesis chapter 20: just exactly how sorry are you?

Abimelech said, "Look, my land is before you. Settle wherever you want." Genesis 20:15

Abraham and Sarah are rambling along and they get caught up in Abimelech's territory. Abimelech, under the impression Sarah was Abe's sister, snatches her away from Abraham. Guess who didn't like that scenario? You guessed it- the Lord. The Man Himself straightened that out with Abimelch in a dream (which is always fun), and threatened some badness if Sarah wan't returned to Abraham pronto. Now get your minds out of the gutter because for once, there's no action here. 

Even so, check out how far Abimelech goes to apologize to Abraham and Sarah. That brother slam- dunked his restitution. In return for taking Abe's wife, Abimelech gave them sheep and cattle and male and female slaves (they dealt in slaves and harems), not to mention 1,000 pieces of silver, and if that's not enough tells them they can take all their stuff and live wherever they want on his land. He wasn't kidding around- he was for real sorry (even though he didn't even hook up with Sarah). We should all be like Abimelech when we apologize to someone.

I tell you the truth, when someone disrespects me, and I'm hopping mad, and they walk up and say, "I'm sorry" to me and then walk away and the whole thing takes about two seconds... call me crazy but I'm not buying it. One little apology and you think you're cleared? No way. There seems to be a movement where saying sorry is supposed to be enough and if the offended doesn't accept it right away they're immature and high-maintenance and needy. I gong that with a big fat mallot and declare that when people apologize they need to go a wee bit overboard like Abimelech did and show, not just tell, the offended just how sorry they really are. Be effusive, write a card, give a gift, spend your time and money...  now you're getting it. Sorry doesn't count except in horshoes and hand grenades so just be honest and cop to them how much you suck. Then the next time when the tables are turned, they will probably tell you how much they suck. Best idea ever: Let's just finally admit to each other how much we all pretty much suck most of the time.

Am I saying don't be quick to forgive? No way. I'm saying sometimes it takes a person a while to cool down if you really did something to mess with them, intentionally or not. They will thaw out out a lot more easily if you pile on the love, the humility, the effort. When you really mean it and really mean it big it is so much easier for them to say "No probs, it's all good," which is what we all want to happen in the end.

P.S. Whatever I did I am so totally sorry I suck so bad. 

genesis chapter 19: who are you to judge?

"This fellow came to sojourn, and he has become the judge! Now we will deal worse with you than with them." (19:9a)

Every single man (young and old) in the city of Sodom had ganged up on Lot. They wanted to rape the men (visitors who happened to be angels) who were staying at Lot's house. It's pretty sick. What Lot offers them instead is pretty sick too: his virgin daughters. Yikes. Boy, these men are in a lather. When Lot tries to block their way, they get super-pissed that he is judging them, when he wasn't even a native Sodomite. 

Nobody likes to be judged. These days, in our time, you can shut a person up pretty quick by saying "You're so judgemental." Heaven forbid I should think that something a person is doing is actually WRONG. According to the amoral, it is morally wrong to say that something is morally wrong. Which means that even amongst the amoral, immorality does exist. And in the "amoral" crowd, being judgemental is the biggest sin of all. That's what you call irony. (I don't pretend these are new concepts, and I also don't pretend that these old concepts [double standards] cannot newly aggravate me.)

Who is to say what is right? Who is to say what is wrong? Do we let society dictate? What if one society (Sodom) says rape is okay, does that mean it is okay?  But when Lot tried to stop them, they yelled at him for being judgemental, instead of stopping and thinking "Hey, wait a minute, maybe this is wrong. I mean, wrong and right do exist- I think things are right, and I think things are wrong- I think that Lot judging me is wrong, so I must believe in some sort of moral system. But is my moral system correct, or Lot's? Hmm..."

Who decides? Who really gets to decide whether these things are right or wrong?

I have to tell you, that it is a relief and a great freedom to me to not have to decide. To not have to follow my own heart on these issues. Because if I did, it would lead me in such a bad path. I would hit my kids, cheat on my husband, lay around all day, eat potato chips and peanut M&M's for every meal, and generally live a life of no restraint and decay. Maybe you're not like that. Why? Because you think it's wrong? I wonder. 

Once upon a time, I thought I knew what was right. I was following my heart, living for myself and whatever I wanted, whatever I thought was right. Then I began to read the Bible (I wanted to "know my enemy" but more on that another time). I read in there for the first time what God thinks is right and wrong, and it changed my life. I thought cheating on my husband was okay, because I wanted to do it. I thought it was okay to kill the baby inside me, because I wasn't ready for it. I thought I could get as wasted as possible whenever I felt like it, because it was fun. I didn't know what truth was, I didn't know what right and wrong was, I didn't know that sin existed. And I didn't know that God is real and He loves me and offers a way for me to turn to Him. I have only ever found within the front and back cover of the Word of God unfathomable wisdom and grace. My compass, my thermometer, my moral guide comes from only one place: the Living Word of the One True Living God, the Bible. It tells me what is right and what is wrong, I do not tell it. The Bible changed my life. 

Maybe you don't like the Bible, because it tells you that something is wrong, or that something is right. I say "Thank you for removing from me that responsibility, for if I had it, I would NEVER get it right, no matter how much time I had on this Earth." None of us would, for we are not perfect, we see with skewed vision, with biases, with love or hate, or desires. There is only One who sees all, who sees clearly, One who is Perfect and Good- all the way Good, and that is God. If you think God is bad because He says that something is bad, you've got it all wrong. But why wouldn't you? After all, you're only human.

genesis: chapter 18: never say never

Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing. So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?” Gen 18:11-12

I know how Sarah feels. She's fussing about in her tent, her youth is gone, beauty fading, she's feeling her lack. Lack of children, of potential, of something new. There's old Abe sitting at his tent door, chilling, and the One True Living God comes a-knocking. Tells Abe they're gonna be parents and parents of parents and multiply that exponentially and there's a multitude as numerous as the stars in the sky.

Sarah laughs. Is she bitter? Incredulous? What? All we know is she laughs. She can't believe that after all this time, after everything, that she's actually going to have a kid. No way. She thinks she's too old.

Aging is weird. Now that I'm past 40 I'm obsessed with the aging process. I stare at older women walking with their teenage daughters, wondering what it is that makes them look old and their daughters so young. Mostly it's the skin- just a mere outer layer of a real person who cannot control what is happening to them physically. I'm so mad at myself for writing off so many wonderful people just because they were older. I thought they couldn't possibly understand where I was coming from, that they were lame, that anything they had to say was musty and obsolete.

But when the middle-aged have dreams you gotta love them. They're winning Ironman races, getting their Masters degrees, starting businesses, writing books. The middle-aged know there's little time to waste. They're done messing around, they're the ones who are going to make it happen. But Sarah here seems to have lost the dream. She thinks her ship has sailed. She's not buying the pie. You want to hug her and say "Hold on, sweetheart- just a little bit longer!" That's because we know the end already. Sarah doesn't know the end so she's swinging low on her chariot.

People all over are swinging low every day. Turn to your left and you will find someone who has lost the faith that something they were hoping for will ever happen. Too much time has gone by, too many disappointments. There's no one there who knows the end of the story, no one to say "Hold on!" There's about 3 things that I have wanted for so long I almost forget I want them. I just tick-tock by in my little life, keeping my hands busy and my head down, trying not to think about how hope has turned to disappointment and trying not to wonder if that means I have lost my faith.

What I do know is that there is a good reason I don't have whatever I don't have. I know this because my God is good. I know that if nothing else, I have been kept humble in those corners, and that's a treasure in itself. I know that in the waiting, I am able to beseech the Lord to examine and purify my motives. I know that I can do without, and I know that there is a better home a-waiting in the sky, Lord, in the sky.

I read this story and think maybe I can still hope. Maybe I will start praying about those things again. I could be cleaning out the fridge and hear an answer to a prayer, maybe sooner, maybe later. Only God knows. One thing is, if he tells me something is going to happen- even after all this time- I will do my best not to laugh, but to believe.

Are we allowed to hang out? The Enemy is LOVING THIS.

This is grievous. I keep hearing that people are telling people not to hang out with people because they don’t go to Harvest anymore. That is the work of the Enemy. And then there are other people saying don't hang out with these other people because they DO go to Harvest, and that is also the Enemy. Why do you think the Lord said don’t be all like “I follow Paul, I follow Apollos”, or "I follow James MacDonald or I follow this other guy, or I go here or I go there?" 

³ You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? ⁴ For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings? 1Cor 3:3-5

It is exactly the kind of thing that causes division among the brethren. And what does the Lord care about for His children? The same thing we care about with ours: peace, unity, love. 

 ³ Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. ⁴ There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called  Eph 4:2-4.  

There is one body. Not a bunch of little, autonomous bodies running around- we are to be one. That is how the world will know that we are His own and want some of what we've got. If we are a divided people, a divided house, we are not fulfilling the command that God has placed before us: to LOVE ONE ANOTHER. No matter where I am, or where I go to church, I'm not going to let anyone tell me that I should not hang out with someone because they don’t go to the same church that I go to. Those are the Enemy's tactics, the Liar's plan- to divide the body. If you have a problem with the leadership at some other guy's church, fine, you don't have to ignore that. Hold your opinion, you're entitled to it. But you do not have to cut yourself off from all of your brothers and sisters who do go to that church who don't have a problem with the leadership there. And I would hope and pray that the reverse is also true.

 I love the people who go to my church, and I love the people who go to your church, and I love the people who go to that dude's church over there... why do I love them? Because they all are my brothers and sisters. If you don't want to be my brother that's up to you. If you decide that you don’t want to be my sister because I don't go to James MacDonald's church, that's up to you, but if someone tells me I shouldn't hang out with you because you go to Harvest, I'm going to tell the devil to get on out of my way. As for me and my house, we are going to love you in the Lord because we are His. Dang, people, don't let that lying, conniving, evil one tear us apart. We are to be unified, in harmony, like a song.  

Live in harmony with one another. Rom 12:16. 

But I am saddened in my heart, because there's one group of people over there singing their separate song, and the other group over there singing their separate song, and I'm not hearing many harmonies.

Genesis: Chapter 17... I dub thee.

When Abram was 99 years old, the Lord appeared to Abram and said to him, “I am Almighty God; walk before me and be blameless. (17:1)

In this chapter the Lord re-names Abram and Sarai. They are now Abraham and Sarah and the Lord loads them with more promises about how kings of peoples shall be from them and all that. There's only one problem- they aren't even pregnant. God changes their names and calls them who they are before they are who He says they will be (i.e. Peter and Paul). God is constantly changing people's names BEFORE they become who God intends for them to be.

He does it with us, too. God changes us way deep on the darkest inside BEFORE He makes happen what we so desperately want to happen.. I have no idea why God made Abraham and Sarah wait so long (24 years up to this point)) to fulfill His promise to them. But I figure if you're going to be the parents of many nations and kings are going to come from you- you're character better be pretty well formed. We might think we are completely ready for something in our life, but in reality we need 4/ 8/ 16 more years to age/ change/ transform... be molded/ sanctified/ purified. I mean when God works something out every little thing has to be in place, right? If a person is setting up an intricate and delicate row of dominoes, you can't hit the first domino without it starting a chain reaction of falling stones.What if one of those stones isn't set up yet? Then the rest of the stones behind it won't fall. I imagine that if we're waiting for something... God has to set up all these stones... then He hits the first domino. I always want to hit that thing way before the rest of the stones are ready.

That's all I'm saying. That lots of times God changes us first, then makes stuff happen. I'm super-glad it's not always the other way around. In my impatience for whatever it is, I am not always ready for what I think I need/ want /deserve even though I want that thing really bad right now. But God has a different time-line. He needs to see me a little bit different first. Okay, Sir, sculpt away.

genesis: chapter 16... drain the pool

Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. (16:1)

So she takes matters into her own hands and tells her husband to have sex with her servant and the child would be hers and that's how the promise would be fulfilled?

It's so easy for me to judge Sarai. How could she do such a stupid thing? Didn't she believe God's promise? But that woman had waited for years- into old age- longing for a child. God's promise was like a carrot at the end of a mile-long stick. Did Sarai care that Abram would be the father of nations? I'm pretty sure she just wanted a baby. I hear there's no longing like the unfulfilled longing of wanting to be a mom. I'm not even going to pretend I know what that feels like. These days there are different ways of getting around infertility (none of which I am morally commenting on by the way). Back then you had sex with your wife's servant.

Have I ever wanted something so much that I would do anything to make it happen? Even though my meddling would result in a bastardized version of what God really wanted for me? Lately, I've been realizing that all of the discontent I carry about my life flows from one stagnant pool of unrealized entitlement. As in, "I deserve that but am not getting it" and especially, "I deserve that because I've waited so long for it." Did Sarai think she deserved a baby right away because she had waited for one for so long?

There is no formula that says that the longer I wait for something the more I deserve it. In reality, I not only deserve nothing, I deserve less than nothing. And even as I write this I sickly congratulate myself on the disclosure of this humble discovery -NOW I actually DO deserve everything I've waited for. What a joke. It's still not true. I don't. The only person who says I do is me, and because of that I walk around believing that what I have before me isn't good enough. I am living in the future, not embracing the present. I am pushing away the bountiful plate of food set before me, whining because I want something better to eat.

From now on, by God's grace alone, I refuse to expect any more than I have been given, and I refuse to apologize for what I don't have to whoever might judge me for it. I refuse to take matters into my own hands and bear something that's not meant for me.  I will, by the power of God, exercise patience and wait- cultivating gratitude and murdering entitlement. I want only to receive from the Lord without my hand-print on any part of it. I mean, who gets the credit for that mess? Me. Who gets the credit for the real thing? God. It's so much more soul-filling to give credit where it's due, when it's due- to God alone.

genesis: chapter 15... something from nothing

After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, saying "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward." (15:1)

I wonder what Abram was worried about. He just conquered a bunch of armies what could he be afraid of?

Was he feeling a bit sick in his stomache? Uneasy like something was wrong but he couldn't put his finger on it? I'll tell you what next time I've got goosechills and butterflies I'm chanting this verse into my heart: "I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward." Amen.

God is telling Abram not to worry- He's got it covered and smothered. Abram questions Him back about the logistics of God's promise to make Him the father of countless when the only kid in his life is a servant's child born in his house. Abram is old, Sarai is old, the promise is old. But God re-affirms it by taking Abram outside and making him look up- showing him the stars.

Roman 4:17b says (referring directly to Abram's promise): God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did... and then Abram in verse 18: contrary to hope, in hope believed.

There was nothing in Abram's sight to make him even start to believe the crazy, outer limits promise that God had bestowed upon him. But against all hope he believed. So I decided that I'm going to believe, too. Not just for the little things that I usually pray for, but for the big, crazy stuff for me and my kids and my man and my family. I am praying this verse back to God that He will call into existence things that do not exist. He's done it before. He did it when He created the universe and the earth and the people in it. He did it when he called me from death to life. He did it when He fulfilled His promise to Abram. That's what He does, makes things that weren't there, there. I know what I am praying for and it's pretty radical. But not unthinkable, especially when you look up and see what Abram saw in the sky.